


Broken Memories

by iHart25



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 18:28:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 3,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14959842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iHart25/pseuds/iHart25
Summary: The aftermath of the Battle of Hogwarts left many in despair. Is Eric and Julian's love enough to overcome the horrors the past that haunt them?





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

We've been together for more than a year now. It's only been a month ago since we started sharing the same roof. At the present, we're both busy running after deadlines at work and we haven't spent much time with each other. He's been sleeping in his studio and I've been coming home late.

This particular night was quite hectic. Multiple cases of Class A and Class B patients were brought to St. Mungo. It's only been a year since the war ended and the hospital is still understaffed. Being an arch-healer provides more galleons than one could imagine, but along comes the weight of the responsibility of such position.

As I clean up after handling the last patient in my shift, a patronus, one that I would not never recognize, came into the room. The silver husky briefly circled the room and relayed its message.

Immediately, I found myself rushing to the nearest fireplace.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

  
As I stumbled out of our fireplace, I rushed downstairs towards his studio. Immediately, I find him and an unfinished painting both wrecked and lying on the floor.

He was shaking uncontrollably. Usually, he'd start shaking when he's in my arms but at rare times, this happens. I could feel the density of magic get heavier as I draw closer to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry", he somehow repeatedly whispers throughout all the sobbing and shaking. During the first attack, I panicked. I didn't know what to do and it made things worse. Half the studio was obliterated and I almost got killed. This time, I knew the procedures and the right words to say.

"Shhh. It's alright. It's over. I'm here now. Shhh."

I lie down next to him and cradle him in my arms. I was met with resistance at first, the magic around us cracked and threatened to rip apart anything in its way, but it recedes as he melts in my arms. He's safe. We both are. And I let a tear slip silently as I rock ourselves in the beautiful mess he made.

The war left a big impact on Eric. So big that he was forced to quit his job as an Auror and hole up in his studio, creating masterpieces of art he would inevitably destroy.

He developed trauma from the war. Memories would haunt him and without warning, he would panic and go out of control. It was way worse when I first met him. Now, it comes back from time to time. The last one before tonight was two weeks ago.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

  
As soon as he calmed down, we made quick work of the mess in his studio. Eric and I became experts in cleaning due to this. He stared at his studio tiredly and then at me.

"Hey", he whispers.

He was towering over me. Built bigger and taller than me. Some would actually be intimidated by his stature. But for me, all I could see in front of me is man vulnerable and fragile. A man who needs protection and care. A man whom I love dearly and would give anything in the world for.

He stepped closer for a hug but stopped at the last moment. I closed the gap between us and held him.

"Thank you, Julian. I... I owe you so much," he held me tighter as he whispered me these words.

I pulled back and looked him in his deep hazel eyes.

"It's alright. I love every bit of you. Even this part of you. I truly do."

I ruffled his curly hair and kissed him.

We took a shower together and went to bed. He and I didn't talk much after which was normal. We got on the bed together and he fell asleep almost immediately.

I've been thinking for quite a while of ways to help him. I've tried making him potions that would help in dealing with traumas and fears. I put him through countless therapies I could think of. I did everything as a healer, an arch-healer can do but it never managed to make it all go away.

I fell asleep feeling helpless, exhausted, and still thinking of ways to deal with Eric's problem.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

  
I was cooking breakfast for us while he was making us coffee. He read the highlights of the Daily Prophet aloud.

But I wasn't listening since I was staring at every inch of him. His enormous and strong build makes our kitchen seem like house-elves bedroom. He walks around the room in a goofy way that seems to surprisingly compliment his given stature. This makes me forget that the man in front of me was once a renowned Auror who fought valiantly in the greatest war ever known in the wizarding world. Suddenly, I could smell something burning.

"Stop fantasizing about me and cook breakfast properly. I wouldn't want to have burnt bacon and eggs for breakfast." He laughed his carefree husky laugh after saying this.

"Oh, goodness!"

I turned the fire off and took my wand out to fix the burning breakfast when suddenly he was behind me. He wrapped his arms around me.

"Hey! You just said you didn't want burnt breakfast and look what you're doing to your chef!"

He ignores my protest and turns me around so I was facing him. His faint familiar scent of cinnamon enveloped me. He kisses me and suddenly lifts me up. I wrapped my hand 'round him tightly and kissed him back. He tasted like coffee he was just sipping a few seconds ago.

Grinning and panting, we paused for a moment to catch our breaths.

I cupped his face and say, "I'm going to be late for work".

He steals a kiss and says, "Well, I think I need a bit more healing compared your patients in St. Mungo's". His eyes flutter slyly.

While still carrying and kissing me, he slowly brought us to our bedroom. We explored each other. Forgetting all responsibilities and stupid deadlines, for at that moment, he and I. Me and him. Only us exists and nothing else matters.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

  
Tonight, as far as I can remember, was the busiest I've ever been as a healer. I sent a patronus ahead to inform Eric about my current status so he wouldn't stay up and wait for me. It seems I'll be here overnight.

Class A patients are coming in from every direction and every hour. There was this one patient who was struck with a curse that made him lose his sanity randomly and would stay insane for an indefinite amount of time. During one of his sane moments, he asked me to just end his life. He said he can remember every moment of being insane and his thoughts during those episodes greatly bother him and he's afraid he would completely lose his sanity over time. The man would rather die than to lose himself to insanity.

It reminded me of a moment when Eric straight up asked me to just kill him during one of his attacks.

He said, "I can't stand seeing any more of the faces of the ones I couldn't save and the ones killed in front of me. Please. Please! I just want all of it to stop."

At that moment, I vowed that I would do everything in my power to help him as much as I could and never give up on him.

The night passed and I'm glad that my team and I were able to help all of the fixable ones under our care. Although we weren't able to do much for the man who loses his sanity randomly except for putting him in a deep sleep, a past case similar to his was found in the archives and is being studied thoroughly to help the poor guy.

"Sir. Mr. Greenwood, sir?"  
"Oh, pardon me. Dozed off for a second there"  
"Bad news sir, recent reports say that rates of suicide still hasn't died down since the war. In fact, it's been steadily rising throughout the year."

He hands me a chart that proves his report.

"Eric..."

Recently, his attacks were getting worse again. I'll have to do something before things get out of hand.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I remember the first time I met Eric. He just quit his job as an Auror. He was in Diagon Alley setting up shop with a sad and troubled look. I passed by and saw the first painting he just displayed. It was unlike anything I've ever seen. It depicted chaotic and ugly scenes at first, but somewhere within, when I looked hard, I saw love. I felt the warm sensation of peace and calm.

I had to ask him if he was putting it for sale and if he was the one responsible for the creation of such art. He seemed to be shocked by my inquiry that he gaped at me for a few seconds before he realized I asked him a question.

"Ah. Yes. It's up for 2 sickles each. And yes, painted by yours truly." He smiled at me warmly and the troubled look he had before seemed like a figment of my imagination.

"I'm Julian Greenwood, a pleasure to meet you!" I held out my hand to him. Hesitantly, he shook it and said, "Eric Grimheld, pleasure is mine.

I bought all his paintings that day and I became a regular customer. Whenever I entered Diagon Alley, I found myself heading straight to where his store is located. Realizing I may have fallen to the perplexing painter, I asked him out for dinner one afternoon and the rest was history.

I learned about his past. I learned about him. And I learned to love him. I'll never forget that exhausting day from work and how all of the exhaustion disappeared as I saw his extraordinary painting.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

  
After the busiest night of my life, I was able to go home at last around 3 in the morning.

I apparated just outside our apartment. The lights were still on and I could hear soft music playing inside.

When I opened the door, I was immediately enveloped with a luscious fragrance that was slowly taking away every bit of exhaustion I felt. Eric was leaning his back against the wall with his eyes closed and arms crossed. He was wearing his favorite bathrobe that had streaks of gold on its rim. He said it reminded him of his House in Hogwarts, Hufflepuff. Before I could say anything, his lips formed into a slight smirk and he began tapping his right foot slowly.

"Well. Well. Well. Look who's late." He opened his eyes at last and eyed me hungrily. With a wave of his hand, his bathrobe hooked itself on the rack nearby. He was bare-chested and only wore pajamas that outlined his lower half. I bit my lip unconsciously as he starts closing the gap between us.

Time was frozen still for me until he touched my face and whispered to me, "Well done at work tonight, Jul. I'll make sure your night ends just right."

He kissed me softly at first, then deeply, and then once again, we entered this trance wherein we're both connected and at sync every second. The soft music playing and the alluring fragrance that surrounded us made me more aware of Eric. I became more aware of us. Of us and our connection.

I was so deeply focused on kissing and exploring him that I barely noticed him lifting me and carrying me back to our bedroom. I didn't know I could love someone this much. I didn't know someone could make me feel all of this. We were connected not only physically. Our souls intertwined and danced and it was the best feeling in the world. We were ablaze, each and every part of us burned with every touch, and in every moment all I could think of is how much I love the perplexed painter, Eric.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I was going through records of past medical history of patients with war traumas. None of it seemed to be of help to Eric's problem. The most viable option for us is to use Legilimence. But I'm quite hesitant with doing it. A single mistake could worsen everything. Again, this morning's conversation replayed in my mind.

"Jul... I'm willing to do anything to get past this. I want a peaceful life with you. I don't want my useless war memories to haunt us forever. Please. I know I can get through anything as long as I do it with you," he says with conviction burning brightly in his eyes.

"But what if something goes wrong? What if I mess things up? What if I end up making things worse? What if—"

Suddenly, words couldn't come out of my mouth as I was being kissed deeply by the man I love the most.

"You worry too much. I believe in you. Do it for me. Do it for us." He hugs me and somehow, it felt like everything will be just fine.

Just as I finished replaying the scene in my mind, I found a very old record that contains the answer to our problem

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

  
He drank the potion and immediately fell into a deep sleep. The instructions said it'd do that. I casted the spell and immediately I found myself diving into a world unknown to me.

Flashes of spells, hexes and curses flew around and through me. It seems like I'm in the middle of a skirmish. I found Eric and an ally of his shielding themselves from a barrage of curses coming from at least five enemies. They were losing and Eric and his friend looked exhausted.

Their five adversaries fired a curse at once, breaking the shield they put up. Immediately, it was followed up with another barrage of Killing Curses. In a flash, his friend was in front if him and he was screaming this blood curling scream. Eric uttered words I couldn't comprehend and his five opponents froze in their tracks. With a wave of his wand they blew up into million pieces. Eric then ran off and did the same to other death eaters he could find. Tears were rolling down his face as he blew them up one by one.

In a moment, I was suddenly taken to a different place. Eric was still fighting but this time, he was with three other people. They were putting down enemies efficiently. Until a giant, ridden by two death eaters came upon them. Their deaths were swift and only Eric survived the encounter. He was pushed away by his comrade as the giant stepped on them. Overcome with rage he uttered words once again I couldn't comprehend. The giant's feet twisted abnormally and before it was able to react, it's head twisted a good three hundred twenty degrees. The two death eaters riding it were too slow and met the same fate as their ride.  
Eric fell to his knees and disappeared from my sight. I was taken to similar memories where only he survived the fight and would lose himself in a blinding rage, killing those in his path mercilessly.

Then I saw myself with Eric. I was beside him. We were fighting together. It was two against two. We were winning. In a few seconds, we disabled our opponents and finished them off. Eric looked at me and kissed me. Just then, his back lit up with a green light we all knew too well.

"No! Eric! No. No. No. No.", I started running towards the two of us but the memory started fading away. I was suddenly back in the real world. But I was somewhere I couldn't recognize. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

  
"Mr. Greenwood. Do you remember this place?", said a man in white robes.

I felt a bit disoriented. I said,"No. I'm sorry to change the subject but where is Eric? I was just with him moments ago. We were performing an operation on him to get rid of his trauma."

The man in white robes stared at me. I couldn't read his face but I was sure he was studying me. "Julian... We've been through this before. You'll have to accept he's gone."

I laughed at him."What do you mean he's gone? He was just with me a while ago. Are you saying he went somewhere? That'd be weird. We always travelled together."

Again, the man in white robes stared at me. "Stop lying to yourself Julian. You saw him go out. We even made you go through that memory again, just to make you realize. We didn't want to do this but this was the only way we could think of fixing you."

I was confused. What the hell was he talking about. I could feel my temper rising. "Okay. Now, I think we know who's lying here. Stop talking nonsense and tell me where Julian is."

He sighs and puts his hands on his face. He looked genuinely distressed. "Julian, you'll have to wake up from this. Okay. Here, you've seen Eric getting hit by the killing curse right? Before that, you were living your life with him. He had a trauma from his past as an Auror. You were doing your best to help him. At some point you stumbled on an old and unconventional record that says something about fixing traumas foe good. Then both of you agreed to do it."

I gaped at him. I never told anyone about any of what he said. Neither Eric since he never shared more less showed any of his problems to other people other than me. "What are you trying to say?", I asked him carefully.

He sighed again before saying, "What I'm saying is that Eric is dead, for a long time now actually. And that it's about time you stop lying to yourself and accept the truth. You and Eric met before the war. He was already painting that time but only as a part time. He was still an Auror but his horrific experiences in his skirmishes gave him a hard time and you were the one who always helped him. In the war, you went with him. The fights you saw were real as during that time, you and Eric shared your visions while separated in the battle field. He was killed while you both were celebrating victory. When the war was over, you just couldn't accept what had happened to the point that you unknowingly casted a very strong magic on yourself. You modified your memories to what you saw fit and created a whole new world in your mind. You went haywire. You kept looking for someone who was dead and wouldn't believe anyone who told you the truth. You were confined here and this has been going on for more than a year now. You're recent experience reliving your life was a result of an intricate spell that was developed specially for you. If you don't accept this now, all our hard work would go down the drain and you'll be spending the rest of your life as a mental patient here in St. Mungo's. Please. Help yourself. Only you can fix yourself truly. Accept the truth and move on."

I couldn't comprehend what he just told me. I couldn't accept it. How could it be a lie. We were there. But what I saw in the end was no lie either. I saw him die. He was in my arms until his last moments. My beloved perplexed painter. Gone. How could that be true?


	11. Chapter 11

**Finale**

It's been six months since I left the hospital. I visit Eric's grave every weekends when I don't have work. I was doing quite well. Parx helped me out a lot (the man in white robes). He's been looking after me since my confinement and even after my release. He's been a good man and friend. I was able to accept the truth because of his words. He told me this, "If you really love Eric, you should live your life like he would have wanted you to. What do you think will he feel if he found out you've changed your memories of him just for your own good? Help yourself. Accept the truth. That's what he would've wanted you to do."

Eric and I were a team until the very end. He'll always stay in my heart. My memories of him will never fade and never will it ever change again. I'll never forget the perplexed painter I saw down at Diagon Alley.

END

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. This is my first time writing a fic. Thank you for reading till the end, hope you enjoyed!
> 
> I'll probably write more, so stay tuned!


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